As I move forward on my path and get stronger inside, deeper layers that were hidden until now come forward. It takes a lot of strength to get to the most inner fragile core. It has not been easy lately, not at all. My Heroes Journey is leading me into totally unknown territory. That is extremely frightening at times, even paralyzing, but it’s the path I chose, following the compass of my Heart. I can not do otherwise, I made a firm promise to myself when I entered this life.
‘Circumstances’ push me further and further on that road of integrity, of re-discovering parts of myself that I had buried so deep I did not even ‘remember’ they are actually an even very prominent part of me, of my frequencies. And since that IS my theme after all, Mastering the Frequencies of Mind, Heart, and Body, I have no choice but to follow the lead of my Soul’s calling and go through all the ‘pain’ and ‘obstacles’ that my old persona (old blueprint) tries to invent and keep in place to avoid me becoming more and more who I truly AM.
So lately, I bumped into SO much emotions of such a deep sincerity, intensity, fragility and tremendous beauty that it still is hard to figure out how to ‘incorporate’ them into the ‘me’ I was before discovering them. So, I find myself in a kind of ‘limbo’, not able to function anymore the way I ‘was’ with a lot of defense-mechanisms, and not yet able to even figure out who I ‘am’ now, REALLY. WITH all those incredibly beautiful feelings of immense tenderness, softness, sweetness, sensitivity, ‘filigrane iridescence’, sensuality, ‘femininity’ in a way and degree I did not know before…. feelings that I was almost ‘afraid’ of embodying, actually. And also TONS of sadness and grief, pain and even guilt, for having ‘hidden’ and ‘denied’ this very important part of me for so long, out of, mainly: fear. Fear of being hurt (again) for BEING all of that, for being ‘rejected’, condemned, judged, and yes: abandoned.
I am sure that that is not ‘just’ me, I see this in just about everyone around me, male or female, all this ‘imprisoned’ soul-beauty, that seemingly has no place in this kind of harsh world we collectively created in a past based on more, well, ‘male’ values…. that is reflected in our finances, the way we ‘work’, how we (mis)treat Gaia, our fellow humans and our SELVES, in our relationships, …. all the (subtile, more or less unconscious) manipulation and lying that is going on there for a number of reasons that actually do more harm than good because ultimately it’s all based on fear….. keeping each other trapped in a suffocating, exhausting, excruciatingly painful web of lies…. if only we knew the truth, of one another, of only we would admit our own truth to ourselves to begin with…. ‘come out of the closet’, so to speak….
And I wanted to share some ‘stuff’ I came across lately that puts all of this in words very well:
“Love YourSelf or Betray YourSelf. Your choice.”
“Your Only Obligation in any Lifetime is to be True to Yourself.”
“…You cannot have a conscious relationship with someone who is not ready to release their false self image, the desire for liberation has to be greater than ego’s fear of annihilation and just as importantly, the desire for the other’s freedom has to be greater than the need for possession and ownership…
There is no arrival in a conscious relationship, no fairytale forever after… It is a journey of evolution of two souls upholding the highest in each other and that contract has its own timing…..”
– Sean Christopher, an excerpt
“I do not have patience anymore
To only play with fire
Yours or mine
I want to live my fire
I do not have time anymore
To only tickle potential
Yours or mine
I want to fulfill my potential
I do not enjoy anymore
To only dream love and romance
Yours or mine
I want to make it come true!
Every day, with every breathe I take
And with every gesture I make…
~ Lily Haridasi”
“Don’t be afraid of losing people, be afraid of losing yourself. Never surrender your truth to fit in, be approved or liked.”
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All the unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Jamie Anderson
I am all the more grateful for all the tools I learned in the MasterKeys… that allow me to get through this and bring all those shadows to the light, thus becoming more and more ‘the change I want to see in the world’…. serving the highest good of all. I am excited to see how ‘my outer world’ will gradually start reflecting this inner work more and more…. even if that also means cutting cords with some and ‘letting them go’. Because I know in my core that even that ultimately serves the highest good of All. However ‘painful’ that seems to be in the moment.
Standing my ground, and Standing it Tall. ‘I live this day as if it is my last, walking tall among men and they now me not, because I am a new woman with a new life’ (Og Mandino). Even if that is completely on my own. Tower after tower is coming down. (Those who know something about Tarot, know what I mean… and it’s so ‘funny’ that the ‘tower’ has ben so extremely present and symbolic in ‘my story’ from the start, even if at that time I did NOT know the symbolic meaning of it. Yes, we DO know more than we think… we ALL do…. and in that knowing, any kind of ‘deception’ does not even exist, what makes any kind of ‘lying’ extremely painful for all involved, because we/they ‘know’ anyway… how ‘funny’ is the human race… Anyway, as I am writing this, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions are going on increasingly on our planet, this too is very symbolic: it is all coming to the surface to be purged and cleaned. As if Gaia too says: enough is enough, and it’s her way of healing herself. Inevitable. To resist or to surrender and co-operate, that’s the question….)
And I leave you here with a little something to muse while you consider all of this….